


so i will write it down, all the jagged edges

by pearlselegancies



Series: we hold each other (julie & flynn fics) [2]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Depression, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Mental Health Issues, Unnecessary guilt, but sometimes being best friends is hard as fuck, julie and flynn are best friends, julie's love language is songs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:28:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29048442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pearlselegancies/pseuds/pearlselegancies
Summary: When Flynn gets diagnosed, Julie admittedly can't comprehend it. Her best friend Flynn. Loveable, always smiling, always filling the room with joy Flynn. Clinical depression.
Relationships: (mentioned) - Relationship, Flynn & Julie Molina, Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Series: we hold each other (julie & flynn fics) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2131125
Comments: 5
Kudos: 44





	so i will write it down, all the jagged edges

When Flynn gets diagnosed, Julie admittedly can't comprehend it. Her best friend Flynn. Loveable, always smiling, always filling the room with joy Flynn. Clinical depression.  
  
It feels like an oxymoron. Like something went wrong in the universe. She wonders, if maybe this is God's way of getting back at her for saving the boys. Maybe that she messed with how things were supposed to be so the universe, God is taking things out on her.  
  
Her Tia tells her that she's being sacrilegious. Her heart tells her that she knows better. The boys don't know what to do.  
  
After all, it's Flynn. Flynn who is always able to find the positives in every situation, Flynn who kept Julie from completely losing her mind during the year of not playing music. Her Flynn.  
  
But suddenly, it's as if her Flynn doesn't exist anymore. Luke tries to comfort her, telling her that it'll be okay, but it's not going to be okay is it?  
  
Her best friend had been depressed for a year and Julie hadn't noticed. She had been so wrapped up in her own grief that she didn't notice that her best friend was grieving too.  
  
God. What kind of shitty person was she? Flynn is adamant that she's not a shitty person, that she just wanted to keep it to herself so she didn't tell anyone but Julie can't help but feel like it might be partially her fault.  
  
She knows that she's been spending a lot of time with the boys, mainly with Luke because they're still trying to figure out what they are. But she hadn't realized that she'd been abandoning Flynn even though it hadn't been on purpose.  
  
It isn't even Flynn who brings it up to her, but Carrie. Fucking Carrie with her smug smirk and some stupid comment about Julie being so wrapped in herself, it's no wonder Flynn left her too.  
  
Julie ignores her, but her words stay in her head for days. Luke tells her that she's being stupid, that Flynn would never leave her no matter what, but Julie can't shake the feeling. It gets to the point where her dad suggests seeing Dr. Turner again. She goes and it helps a bit. But she needs to see Flynn. To talk to her.  
  
So she sneaks out in the middle of the night and climbs the tree in Flynn's backyard and sneaks into her room. "Jules?" Flynn is awake almost immediately, and Julie considers turning back around. But she doesn't. "Yeah it's me. I uh, I needed to see you."  
  
Flynn sits up and looks at her confused. Julie sighs, slipping her sneakers off as she slides into bed next to Flynn. "Why didn't you tell me? I thought we told each other everything Flynn." She's close to crying now. Flynn shrugs and wraps her arms around her waist.  
  
"I just didn't want you to change how you see me." Julie blinks. "I could never do that. You're my best friend Flynn." Flynn pulls her closer and Julie bites back a sob. "You needed me and I wasn't there for you. And you've always been there for me. What kind of best friend am I?"  
  
Flynn cups her face and presses their foreheads together. "One who was grieving. You lost your mom Jules. You didn't play music for a year. I didn't want to add to your pain."  
  
"But in the process, you ignored yours Flynn." Flynn shrugs, tears brimming in her eyes as well. "It's not your fault Jules. It's not either of our faults." They lie there in silence before they eventually drift off to sleep.  
  
The next day Julie writes a song, one that's more melancholy than the ones she's written recently, and she internally dedicates it to Flynn. She calls it Dear Hope, and snorts at how ironic the title is. When she sings it for the first time, it feels almost cathartic.  
  
_"Dear Hope_  
_If you can hear me, don't go_  
_I don't feel you now, but I know you're there_  
_Dear Hope_  
_I could really use you now_  
_Throw me a rope_  
_Throw me a rope_  
_Dear Hope..."_  
  
She wonders if she'll ever get that hope back, if Flynn will get better. Something tells her that it has to. And that it will.


End file.
